My Immortal
by AnnaCullen01
Summary: A year after being abandoned, Bella had already recovered from her catatonic state and has been trying to assimilate as much as she can to her new "normal' life. Now a college student, she has warmed up to the idea that she was never meant to be with Edward. However, fate has stepped in once more. Will that be enough to change her mind or has she been right all along? NM AU
1. Chapter 1

**Let's try this again, shall we?**

**Disclaimer: S.M. owns everything, I just like fooling around with her characters. See you in the A/N at the bottom!**

Bella POV

It's been months since he left. A year, to be exact. Although he's no longer with me, he has still managed to break yet another one of his promises. _He's one talented vampire_, the snarky side of me mused, forcing a dry laugh to escape from my lips. On _that_ day, he had implied it would be easy for me to resume my life as it had been without him. And I, being the stupid love-struck yet heartborken girl that still hung onto his every word, believed him. I held on to his words just like I had to any other thing he'd said to me before, even when he had just confessed that all he'd ever told me was a lie.

With time, I came to realize that, of course, he had been wrong. I should've known that what he knew would be true for every other human being in the planet would not be true for me. _I _would still hurt, even months after they left. _I _would remember every little detail of our time together. _I _would remeber the pain. And, most importantly, _I _would never forget.

As much as I tried, as much as I attempted to make myself let go of the thoughts and what if's that would end up haunting me forever, I never could get over him. He still haunts me day and night, in my dreams and nightmares, and of course in my every thought. Even though I tried not to think of him sometimes I just can't help it. He still is forbidden to remember, just to think of him makes my chest ache. But I can't make myself forget him –it terrifies me, simply because I don't want to let go of the memories to prove that the best part of my life had been real, not just simply a dream.

I got out of my unresponsive state for Charlie's sake. Fortunately, I could still save what remained of my senior year, but I had to make up for the lessons I'd lost, which resulted in lack of free time (not that I minded). School became _my _distraction, and most days, it seemed to work. Even though days seemed to pass slowly, I finally finished my senior year with a 3.7 GPA, making Charlie the happiest I'd ever seen him since I came to live with him. My dad was so proud of me the day of graduation, and I think even I was happy that day . . . well, as happy as I could ever be.

The morning after graduation I received an email from my mom. As always, she was wondering how I'd been doing, she told me what she's been up to, and left me feeling glad that at least some people in the world were granted happiness. For the most part, I had managed to stop feeling sorry for myself, but I had my moments now and then. And they usually came when someone (like Renee) unintentionally reminded me that the happiness I had was long gone.

A few months before graduation, I received letters from the few colleges I had applied to. Most of them were in Washington state –I couldn't bear to part too much with Forks, and if anyone asked, I had managed to convincingly lie and say it was for Charlie's sake. And then, to my surprise, I began to receive letters from colleges I hadn't even applied to –mainly because I know they'd be out of my reach (both economically and intellectually). So when I got the letter from _that_ school, my eyes narrowed instantly. But as soon as my suspicion had come, as soon as it even crossed my mind that somehow the Cullens had managed to secure a place for me at an Ivy League school, I decided to forget all about it. After all, they obviously didn't care enough for my future since they made no attempt to stay in it.

So here I am now, unpacking the last of the cardboard boxes in my room number 201 in Dartmouth University –surprise, surprise. I had been so sure that I wouldn't want to part with Forks, but when I saw that Dartmouth had a spot for me, the small part of my brain pushed me to decline every other offer.

I got here a couple of days ago after spending most of my summer in Florida with Renee. She'd been so happy that I could go to Florida to see her, even if I didn't want to go to college there.

The idea of having a dorm was sort of fun I guess, at least I'd get to know someone here for sure. She hasn't come here yet, I hadn't even bothered to check her name, but we still have a few days before the school year starts. I only hope she isn't the too perky or the party type, since I've never been like that myself. _And because that would remind you a little too much of a short-haired pixie_ a small voice reminded me, but I shrugged it off.

Since I was done unpacking I decided I'd go explore the campus a little more. I haven't seen the whole thing yet, it's just that it's so huge or so it seems, but you can't blame me coming from a town that barely had a little over 3000 people.

Looking around the campus was fun; I got to see their huge library which would probably be the place I would spend the most time. As I was taking the long way to my dorm I saw the music hall so I decided to enter. There was no one inside and, like all the rooms here, it was huge and beautiful. They had every single instrument you could ever think of, but there was one that captivated me, the grand piano. Over the summer I also learned how to play the piano; it was a nice way of remembering him while not thinking of him directly. And after many failed attempts I learned how to play my lullaby. It didn't sound the same and I got stuck in some parts but still it made me relax a little.

I neared the piano and passed my finger lightly over the keys. I sat down on the bench and started playing what I could of my lullaby –the familiarity relaxing me enough, but not nearly as sounding soothing as it had once been. Finally, when my song was over, my fingers subconsciously started playing one of the songs that could express my feelings just right. _My Immortal_ began to echo across the room, the lyrics floating in my head as the song kept on playing.

…

_Your pressence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone._

_These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real,_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

…

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone._

_But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along._

…

_But you still have . . . all of me_

_Me . ._

A single tear escaped my eyes. I just couldn't hold it back. There was just too much meaning in that song for me. This pain _is_ too real and time would never erase it, no matter how much he guaranteed it. I knew it all along and even when he'd hurt me so bad he would always have all of me. His face is always in my dreams and nightmares and every time I did something reckless or stupid his voice was there. He truly chased away all the sanity in me, because it was only when I did something reckless that I could have him for a few moments.

The worst part about my life was, that no matter how much I still loved him he never will love me back. He never had. That though just made all my charade fall, no matter how I looked on the outside I was broken and have been broken all along. I never recovered and never will; he has all of me and I can't work properly without my heart or my soul, because he might believe he doesn't have one but he does . . . he has mine . . he owns mine.

I didn't realize I had kept on crying until a teardrop fell on my finger. I had to get away from here before anyone saw me. I still didn't like to be the center of attention, let alone if the attention was brought to me because I was crying. I started to get up from the bench but, being the klutz I am, my foot got stuck on the foot of the bench and I tripped.

I waited for the impact, it wouldn't be the first time anyhow, but before my face touched the floor a strong set of stone hard arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me towards an ice cold chest.

I was scared to open my eyes, scared to see that there was no one close to me and that I luckily saved myself from tripping. But I knew I had to face reality sooner rather than later, so I opened my eyes slowly only to find an Adonis holding me between his arms. I was captivated by his honey-gold warm eyes. It was until that moment that I'd realized my dreams and nightmares had been far from perfect. He was the same, of course, but instead of being the happy Edward I liked to remember (in comparison with the cold Edward I'd know for the following three days after my birthday) his face now held so much pain . . . too much of it.

_It's almost as if leaving had hurt him just as much as it had you._

_He wasn't supposed to suffer_, the small voice in my head complained, _he __isn't__ supposed to be here! He __isn't__ supposed to care!_

And right now, he shouldn't be holding me either, I added.

My body recoiled from his touch as soon as I regained control over my shocked limbs. I had to get away from here; this wasn't going to help me at all. By this point, I was an emotional wreck. I started to run towards the exit, glad that I didn't trip again.

"Bella wait!" he said, and once again made me notice how my memories had only dimly captured his velvet voice. I yearned to stay, to hear his voice once more. A part of me also yearned to listen to him, to question why his perfect voice was now drowning in pain. And a small part of me rejoiced in the fact that maybe, just maybe, he'd suffered just as much as I had during the past twelve months.

Enough!

I just started to run faster, I just needed to get away from here, from him.

"Bella, please!" his voice broke, breaking my resolve along with it. It might seem completely idiotic to rush to aid the one person who had managed to break your heart and then stomp on the remains, but when you loved someone as much as I loved Edward, common sense flew right out the window as soon as I heard him hurt. My feet had stopped responding once again, and I somehow found myself facing him instead of the door. I found him on his knees dry sobbing, making it painfully obvious that he was definitely not fine. He looked so miserable, so hurt. Why would he be like that when he was the one who left me?

I couldn't move. My head told me to get away from here, but my heart –which had apparently come back to me when Id' seen him- screamed at me that I should run towards him and tell him everything is going to be okay. That I would help him until it was okay, even if it meant more heartbreak for me.

_When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears._

Those words looping in the back of my head were the last thing I needed to start moving towards him. He had his head in his hands, still dry sobbing. I knelt in front of him, saying nothing. I didn't know what to say, what would make him feel better. After a moment he reached out and hugged me he started mumbling something while crying over my shoulder. I couldn't understand at first but then it started to get clearer. He was mumbling I'm sorry over and over again. But what was he sorry for?

"What for, Edward?" I asked in whisper, my voice cracking with emotion.

I didn't hug him back. I simply kept my arms at my sides afraid that I might do something he doesn't like, something that would prevent me from enjoying a few more seconds with him here. The last thing I wanted to do is scare him away. After all this time, I always hoped I would find him somewhere, but at the same time I didn't.

He raised his head slowly and when I saw his face there was even more pain than before, if that were even possible.

"I'm sorry for lying, Bella. You didn't deserve that, but it was the only way you would have a normal life" he said, his eyes shining with emotion that was also laced with his words.

I still had trouble believing that this was real. But then something he said hit me "it was the only way you would have a normal life." So part of having a normal life was getting your heart broken and your soul taken away?

"You already said you were sorry, Edward" I said his name even though it burned my throat "you said that back in the forest."

"I lied, Bella, I'm so, so sorry" he repeated.

"I know you did, Edward. You left that clear that day."

"I lied, everything I said that day was a lie. The worse lie I've ever said in all my existence. That's why I'm sorry. For saying that I didn't love when that wasn't and still isn't true."

I was beyond shocked. This couldn't be happening. It was just another cruel trick my mind was playing on me. He had been convinced about what he was saying when he spoke to me that day, I could see it in his cold eyes when they had been glaring at me –as if trying to force me to understand that I was no longer wanted.

"You're lying"

"I swear that everything I just said was true. That day, I _had_ to leave you, Bella. You had to be able to live a normal, happy, human life without any interference from my kind, like it should be. I lied because I knew you weren't going to let me leave any other way, and you believed me so easily, that was heartbreaking. After all the times I said that I loved you, I thought that I would take hours to convince you knowing how stubborn you are, but it only took me minutes. The most painful minutes of my life."

I couldn't say anything. I couldn't move.

"After I left you I became a wreck, my family all missed you even Rosalie -an emotionless smile crossed his lips- after eleven months of being alone Alice and Emmett finally dragged me back from Brazil to reunite with the rest of the family but I didn't care. I was as if I were disconnected from my body, my mind racing wondering if you were okay, if you ever got over me.

"Alice didn't give me a choice and signed me up here. And I tried for my family's sake to at least be a little like I used to be. But I still couldn't be around them much so I asked Alice to get me a dorm only for myself and she did. I just came today; they helped me put all of my things away and left. I was left with nothing to do so I tried to walk along the campus but then I heard your lullaby. At first I thought I had gone insane but I followed the sound, after that I heard a beautiful voice singing and I would recognize it anywhere. I literally ran here and when I finally did get here I felt as if everything that was missing went back into place, I felt like I was alive again instead of being dragged by time. Then I actually heard the lyrics of the song and I started feeling hurt. I was so ashamed about what I had caused and I was ready to leave but instead of heading towards the door, I headed to the bench were you were sitting, then you got up and tripped I simply acted out of reflex, trying to protect you like always.

"I needed to tell you the truth Bella. I am sorry, for everything. And if I could turn back time I would because what I did is not worth all the pain."

He became silent after that. My brain was still trying to process his words, they were just too much.

"I know it would be hard and I don't expect you to but I have to ask, do you want me to stay? Do you still want me, even after what I did?"

I didn't have to think of it. I launched myself into his arms and kissed him. He was surprised at first but quickly started to kiss me back. This was all too good to be true.

"I love you Bella and if it takes me forever to prove it to you I don't mind trying."

"I want to be forever with you"

"I love you, Bella" he repeated, making my heart swell now that it was back in its rightful place.

"I love you too, Edward." I said, a smile coating my lips. And for the first time in a year, it was genuine.

**Ok, so for the newbies: Hi, I'm Anna, and this is my second attempt at this story. **

**I'll be updating every couple of days or so, since part of the story is already written and just needs some major editing. The original story was a one-shot, which was then turned to a longer story. The problem with that was that my 13-year-old self was a pretty sucky writer. So this is take two, in hopes that I've gotten slightly better at this.**

**See y'all next chapter!**

**-Anna**


	2. Chapter 2

**Usual mandatory disclaimer: S.M. owns all. Still unbeta-ed, so all mistakes are my own.**

**Just to clarify: Bella **_**won't**_** behave like she did in the first chapter for the whole story. Her behavior in chapter one will be **_**exclusive**_** to that section of the timeline.**

**Now on with the story :)**

Bella POV

And then reality struck. I opened my eyes slowly, allowing them to adjust to the morning light –although there wasn't much of it since it was a bit cloudy. Great, as if I didn't get enough clouds in Forks. Maybe I should've gone to Florida. I'd begun to have my not-so-unusual inner monologue until the calendar to my left caught my attention. There, mocking me from its place in the wall, was a date that held a completely different meaning to me now.

Today was Monday, September 13th, and it was six in the freaking morning. I hadn't even realized my birthday was so close until right now. _Of course it would be on a Monday_, I thought, rolling my eyes. It was so tempting to simply close my eyes and pretend this day didn't exist. Maybe, if I just covered my face with my linens, I could just pretend this day didn't exist and then come back to the real world when it was the 14th.

Not that it would be any better, but it was still better than the 13th. Or a Monday.

I sighed. I'm definitely going to need coffee if I want to live through this day, I thought –or maybe I said it out loud, who knows. I had never developed much of an addiction for the substance, but it was definitely required on the days where I knew I would meet more than one challenge.

It was only after the first sip, when the warm liquid was running down my throat, that I realized what had woken me up this morning. Had I not been standing next to the sink, I would've had very hot liquid dripping onto my feet –and probably a couple of shards of ceramic from the broken coffee mug as well. But, apparently fate had decided to give me a break just this once given that the mug simply landed on the metal frame, preventing any shards from piercing my skin. _Nothing that hasn't happened before on this date_, the small voice muttered dryly.

It was only a dream. I sighed, slowly cleaning up the mess I'd made. A part of me knew that there was no possible way that my dream would ever become anything more than a figment of my overactive –and ever hopeful- imagination, but another part of me could only wish. And it was my birthday after all, so I was entitled to wishes –no matter how absurd- at least for today.

It's been almost two years since he left, although the days after my birthday shouldn't really count since he wasn't the same Edward I thought I'd known. He wasn't my Edward, even though I loved him all the same.

I just begun my sophomore year in Dartmouth, classes have started and everything is going as well as it can go, considering the situation. My roommate was supposed to be here already but apparently she had fallen a little behind schedule so I haven't met her yet. Another thing my dream had gotten right –I didn't know the girl's name. I hadn't even bothered to ask the office since I would know her name eventually once she arrived, so there was no point. I had all the time in the world to get to know her. _But not as much time as other creatures you know_, the small voice said. Not for the first time, I wished I could shut that part of my brain off for just a minute. Maybe that's how _he _felt when he had to hear everyone –except me, of course. I huffed, knowing there was nothing else I could do to calm the voice in my head that wouldn't end up with me in a white, padded room.

Although my personality hadn't changed much since, well, since that day, I had still managed to make some friends. Or rather, they had managed to get me to speak. I would never be close to anyone else if I could help it, I'd had enough heartbreak to last me a lifetime thank you very much, but it was nice to have people speak to you. It was nice to have people who completely ignored how you had been broken and looked at you without pity in their eyes. Although they've figured out my shy nature, they try to get me to socialize and they invite me to parties, but I just don't feel like going; instead I stay locked in my room studying. Fun and wild, isn't it? But it's not like I can do anything else –I've placed too many restrictions in my life in order to shelter myself from more hurt. Nothing really holds my interest for long; it's like I belong to a different world, a world full of happy memories with him.

I looked at the time, realizing that I had to stop procrastinating and face the rest of the day. I crossed my fingers, hoping none of my new acquaintances figured out what today was; it had never come up in conversation, and I had no reason to offer it. After showering and doing a few more things, I was as ready as I could be for what would come.

"Hi Iz!" Michelle, one of my new friends said as she barged into my room. She reminded me of Jessica in a way. God knows that I would hate to have her know anything about my past, because she would have it spread around the whole campus –which was terrifyingly big- by the afternoon. Don't get me wrong, she was nice, but not exactly discreet.

"Hey" I answered back shyly. I insisted on being called Bella but Michelle, along with my (or should I say her?) other friends, insisted that my nickname had to change so I gave in eventually.

"Stop being so shy, Iz! Anyway, since I know you have nothing to do at lunchtime, meet us at the cafeteria, at our usual table. We have some gossip to discuss about some new students arriving today."

When she said 'we' it was mostly her and her friends while the guys were busy staring at them and I would most likely get lost in my own thoughts, nodding here and there when it was required. Not that she would notice.

"Ok fine, I'll meet you guys there." I said and with that she took off. I felt chills run up my spine. Her demeanor today reminded me all too well of my former friend, especially when she began to fill me in on who the Cullens were. Shaking my head, I made my own way out of the dorm and into my morning classes.

I don't know how but by the time I came back to reality it was already time for lunch.

"Better get over this" I thought, the small voice seemingly gone for now. If it was a temporary thing, the least it could do was last at least the remainder of my birthday. I could do without its sarcasm for the day.

I was running a little late since the teacher gave me an extra assignment due to my lack of attention (it's not like it's my fault he's so boring), so I wasn't surprised when I tripped while I was running on my way to the cafeteria. I gathered all the books that fell and the little dignity I had left and placed them in my locker (the books, that is) and continued the rest of the way accident-less.

"Iz! Where have you been? We've been waiting forever!" Michelle asked me, exaggerating as was true to her personality, before I reached doors that would lead to the cafeteria, earning a couple of glances from the people around us.

"I was running a little late. I'm sorry. Come on, let's not keep the others waiting."

She linked my arm with hers and we started walking (more like running) to the cafeteria. We got to our table in record time not even bothering to get something to eat since our trays were already at the table.

"Hey Iz!" said the most annoying boy I'd ever met (including Mike Newton) aka Justin. Yes, he was even worse than Mike . . . and Tyler . . . . and Erick … put together.

"Hi, Justin" I answered back lamely. No matter how much anyone irked me, I still bothered to at least attempt to be polite.

As I said they started talking about gossip and as I normally did, I tuned out and just stared out the window. On any other day, I would've bothered to at least attempt to be a part of the conversation; but today, I'd rather be left alone. Keeping my mind as blank as possible, I began to play with what was in front of me. Or maybe I should be planning how I would keep myself busy the next few days when there was nothing else for me to do.

". . . did you see how they all look alike?" I wasn't sure who had said it, but for whatever reason it had been enough to draw me in.

"Yeah! Creepy isn't it?" I willed myself to stop listening once more, but I clearly wasn't in control of my own body.

"Totally! I mean they're not even related! Isn't it weird that all of them would come to the same school? I mean, most of us come to school to get a little more independence" said someone else. This time, I bothered enough to notice it had been Daniel –one of the less annoying ones.

"Same eye color, perfect features and all beautiful." And it was like hearing Jessica all over again in the Forks High cafeteria, gushing about the only group I had yet to meet. The only exception is that Michelle's description didn't hold the bitter edge that Jessica's had since she'd been rejected by him.

I froze.

I can't be.

"How many are there?" I asked, my throat all of a sudden dry and my appetite (which hadn't been too noticeable) completely gone.

"Now look who's interested" Mary commented, emphasizing on the 'now'. She was the only one that hated me in the group or at least the only one I knew about; she was the Lauren of this school.

"Eight. Three of them are siblings, then there's three blonde ones and two brunettes. I don't know the relation between them though." Michelle was all too happy to fill in the gaps for me, overjoyed that she'd finally caught my attention on something she seemed to be an expert about.

"Oh" I replied lamely. Although I would never admit it if anyone asked, my shoulders hunched in disappointment once she mentioned the number. Eight was wrong. There should only be five. I guess It wasn't the Cullens then . . .

"Oh look! They're coming inside!" Mary practically yelled, making it a facepalm worthy moment.

Everyone noticed what had Mary's attention and swiftly turned in direction to it . . . or them. And just like it had been when I'd arrived in Forks, I was the last to turn, and when I did everything that I had kept locked in the empty space were my heart used to be came out with such force that it could've easily knocked me down had I been standing.

_Oh shit_, the voice said.

And it's back, ladies and gentlemen. Quite the timing, too.

I didn't care what I left behind or what people thought of me but as I caught the sight of the first one of them I knew I had to get away, and I swear I tried! But my legs wouldn't move. They were frozen in place, not willing to take a step.

I saw all of the familiar faces and some new ones before I saw him, still as God-looking as ever . . . hugged by a blonde beauty.

That's when my whole world crashed. Again.

He wasn't alone, he was with the type of girl that belonged with him, unlike me. Had I still had a heart, they might've heard it break … again. Into even smaller shards.

_"Of course he's not alone! Unlike you, he can get anything and anyone he wants!" _And this is why I disliked the small voice.

None of them had noticed me but when I thought I would be able to get away safely he locked his eyes with mine for a split second. A second that changed everything. When I looked in his eyes they didn't have a single expression in them, it's like if he were staring at any other person; but of course my luck could only get worse so the others saw what captured his attention and the stares held mild shock. Except for hers: my best friend's, my sister's. Alice's.

Her eyes showed a thousand of different expressions in them. At first surprise, then sadness and finally happiness . . . but she didn't come near me. It was so rare to take Alice by surprise, but I guess I shouldn't have expected her to see me since she obviously wasn't looking into my future any longer.

"At least she recognized you" I thought sourly, the voice not required to share its thoughts since they mirrored mine (for once).

"I need to go for a second" I excused myself, glad to see my body was back under my control.

When I passed the cafeteria doors I literary ran as fast as I could to my dorm. I couldn't be happening, not to me, not today! All the pain that I'd thought I had long since beaten washed over me and I couldn't help it. I got to my dorm and locked the door, not wanting anyone to bother me. I felt as if the walls were closing in around me; if anyone saw me now, they'd think I'd probably gone mad.

And maybe I was.

"Bella . . . ?" a soft whisper came from behind me.

For a second, I had stupidly forgotten she could outrun me, no matter how hard I tried. I tried to regulate my breathing before turning around to face someone I had wished (but never thought) I'd see again.

"Alice."

**Penny for you guys' thoughts? We'll be seeing different POV's as the story moves forward, but it'll be mostly Bella's. **  
**I'm having a really hard time sticking to a good posting schedule, but I promise to start trying a little hard for you guys. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and favorit-ed :)**

**Until next chapter!**

**-Anna**


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